Thoughts on Surrogacy

Now that the babies are here and have been properly introduced to their family and friends, allow me to present Jaxon and Delaney!

Jaxon (left) and Delaney (right)

They are precious and perfect and I am so honored to be part of their story.

Surrogacy has been something I've wanted to do for quite some time and I'm so glad I got the chance to experience it. That said, I am one and done. Even if I could safely be pregnant again, I couldn't possibly top the experience I had with these Dads so my uterus is officially retired.

Surrogacy is a beautiful thing but also so surreal. You know that feeling when someone in an airport asks you to watch their stuff for a minute? Like, it's so much responsibility from someone you don't know? Well, surrogacy is like that, times 1000. I have a great relationship with the Dads and we bonded right away, but I still can't believe they just GAVE ME THEIR CHILDREN to grow and then give back.

Surrogacy is also hard. Some people don't understand how or why you would do this for someone else. The IVF meds you have to take are no joke. You can't be a surrogate without having kids of your own - I'm glad my kids are older and self-sufficient but being pregnant at 36 is way harder than being pregnant at 25 or 28.

Giving the babies back is hard. My brain doesn't want any more kids, our family is complete. My heart knows these babies have always belonged to someone else, and I am excited to give them the gift of building their family. But my hormones aren't quite up to speed yet. I am not a crier (I often joke that I'm dead inside) but I have shed lots of tears these past few days. When you have a baby to take care of, the hormones have something to focus on. When there is no baby, and you're bored out of your mind but too immobile to take on a project, the hormones sneak up, and the next thing you know you're sobbing in the shower and considering getting a puppy just to have something to do.

All that said, I wouldn't change a thing. I have been dubbed "Auntie Allison" and have been told we're a part of the family, so I know I'll get to see these babies grow up and be part of their lives in some way. When you sign up to be a surrogate it's never a guarantee that you will stay in touch after delivery, but I feel so much better knowing this wasn't just a transaction for them. 

I am struggling to find a way to end this post, perhaps because I don't want this journey to end. Perhaps because this journey will never truly end for me, much in the same way you're still a parent long after your children are grown. Yet I am running out of words to say, so I will simply end with this:

If you are given the chance to be a part of something bigger than yourself, do it. You won't regret it.