Udder Covers and Hooter Hiders

As a follow-up to my breastfeeding post, I want to talk about taboo-est of mommy taboos: nursing in public. dun dun DUNN!

I firmly believe that a woman has the right to breastfeed her baby in public. It is a natural act and there is no reason any woman should be made to feel uncomfortable about it. In fact I have nursed Luke at a football game, in a restaurant, at his pediatrician's office and in more parking lots than I can count. That being said, I understand that many women are too modest to do that and this is why some clever person invented nursing covers.

I have one and I have used it a few times. It was nice when Luke was really small before he learned to latch quickly. Now he and I have developed a routine and the nursing cover is more of a hindrance since I can't see what I'm doing and it's hard to juggle it and the baby without someone to help me.

Perhaps my biggest problem with my nursing cover is that it seems to result in the opposite of discretion. I think most people are uncomfortable with public nursing because they don't like the idea of exposed breasts, not because they're actually offended by the view. In fact, most moms can nurse so discreetly strangers aren't even aware that it's happening. Unless, of course, she is wearing a nursing cover.

My nursing cover doesn't remotely look like an article of clothing. It does look a little like a smock, but it's clear I'm not doing arts and crafts. When I used to wear mine, I felt like I was screaming "DON'T LOOK OVER HERE! I'M BREASTFEEDING, BUT PLEASE IGNORE IT!"

So now I nurse au naturale and I leave the nursing cover at home. Moms, how do you feel about it?

My Post On Breastfeeding

When I envisioned my life as a mother, my vision did not include formula. However, that perfect life I imagined for myself and my baby does not line up with the life I live today. Allow me to explain.

Throughout all of my research I came to the conclusion that breast milk was the only option. I still believe that breast is best - every Mom should at least give it a try - but I now know that formula isn't all bad. This opinion is, of course, the product of hindsight. When I was in the midst of the transition I felt like I was the worst mother ever for even considering giving Luke formula.

For the first eight weeks of his life, Luke had nothing but breast milk. He had a few bottles of pumped breast milk, but mostly he drank straight from the source. When I returned to work I was hell bent on pumping at the office so that he could still have breast milk while he was at Grandma's house. I was easily pumping 15 ounces a day and that was enough for him. That lasted until he hit a growth spurt a week later. The 15 ounces was no longer enough and I couldn't keep up with his increased demand. Just to be clear - my milk supply wasn't a problem, but I was already pumping 3 times a day for 15-20 minutes each time and I couldn't afford to be away from my desk any longer than that.

I started agonizing over what to do. Do I pump more? Work less hours? Switch him to formula? Formula seemed to be the obvious answer, but how could I do that? I was an anti-formula Mom!
The answer came to me in two ways.

First, I read this (perfectly timed) blog post and everything made so much more sense. You see I had (wrongly) learned that formula was an all-or-nothing deal. I was under the impression that if I skipped even one feeding my supply would dry up and I would be forced to switch to formula. It never occurred to me that I could give Luke formula during the day and still breastfeed him the rest of the time. Biologically, it seems similar to your body training itself to make less milk overnight as your baby learns to sleep through the night.

Even thought the blog post made me feel better, I was still on the fence. One night Steven looked at me, clearly tired of my whining on the subject, and said "It's formula, not poison! Lots of babies eat formula."

What really convinced me was this: one day I picked Luke up from Grandma's house and he was screaming. She told me he finished his bottle an hour ago and had been crying ever since because he wasn't satisfied. That was just the slap in the face I needed to make my decision.

The guilt I have over giving him formula is NOTHING compared to the guilt of watching him cry because my milk isn't enough. There is no room for pride in motherhood.

I went out that night and bought him some formula. The next day he had his 15 ounces of breast milk and then he had some formula and he didn't fuss one bit. Because he took to it so well, I backed off of pumping at work - I basically had to train my breasts to stop producing so much during the day - and now he is only fed formula at Grandma's house.

When he is at home with me he is 100% breastfed. He will get the occasional formula bottle from Steven if I am at the gym (I go 3 nights a week now, hooray for me), but I still plan my schedule around Luke's feedings so he rarely gets hungry before I return home. My body seems fine with keeping up with an erratic schedule. On weekends and Wednesdays I breastfeed him all day, then when I'm at work the other four days I get a little full, but it's not painful.

Perhaps the best benefit of using breast milk and formula is the freedom I feel. Not the freedom to be away from Luke, but the freedom to nurse him more. I had assumed that I would have to wean him completely when I go back to work full time in January. That would make sense for my life, but in terms of his development it's completely arbitrary. Now that I know I can use a combination of breast milk and formula I don't feel the need to cut him off completely in January. He can get an extra formula bottle during the day, but I can still nurse him in the morning and in the evenings. I now have the freedom to watch his cues and let him tell me when he's ready to stop nursing.

So, in a nutshell, I want to express that nothing about motherhood is black and white, especially feeding your baby. Experiment with what works for YOU and trust that your body will keep up. It's smarter than you think.

Shame On You, Target, Shame On You

Yesterday I went to Target to buy some fat pants yoga pants to wear for bumming around the house. After trying on a few styles I found some that were not entirely unflattering. The good news? They're super comfortable. The bad news? They're size XXL. In my defense, I could fit into the XL, but they showed too much panty line. I admit I'm bigger than I would like to be, but I'm not the biggest woman in the world - not by a long shot.

So my question is this - How are plus-sized ladies supposed to exercise if places like Target don't sell work-out wear in their size?

P.S. I've had this post swirling in my head for 4 days, but it is amazing how hard it is to get 30 minutes with my laptop with a newborn in the house.

My Birth Plan

As promised, I am going to share my birth plan with you. Please don't think I am doing this to try to prove a point or lecture anyone if they chose/choose to do things differently. I just figured this would give me additional motivation to stick to this plan because, admittedly, some of these things are going to take a large act of strength and will power.

Also, please don't think I'm one of those crazy militant people who really think I am able to plan my delivery. Every intervention has its place, and if I need one then I need one.

So, without further ado, I present my Birth Plan:

Allison and Steven - Birth Preferences

Due Date: July 8

Introduction: Assuming that we have an uncomplicated labor and delivery, Allison and Steven would like to have an unmedicated, all natural birth. Please do not offer pain medication. Allison will ask for it if she wants it. Our birth preferences are listed below. We understand the unpredictability of birth and that these are merely preferences. We will appreciate your input and guidance should a complication arise. Our priority is healthy mom, healthy baby. Please be aware that Allison is afraid of needles and would like to avoid them if at all possible. The sex of Baby is unknown and Steven would like to announce the gender to Allison.

Support Team: Allison requests that Steven remain with her at all times. Kimberly (Allison's mother) and Stephanie (Steven's mother) are welcome in the L&D room during labor, but will return to the family waiting area when it is time to deliver Baby. If any other family members should arrive at the hospital we would like for them to remain in the waiting area until after the birth and we decide we are ready for visitors.

PRE-LABOR & LABOR STAGE 1
IDEAL
- monitoring via doppler or limited EFM
- drug-free induction if it's necessary (i.e. foley bulb, membrane stripping, etc)
- receiving fluids and nourishment by drinking and light snacking
- minimal vaginal exams
- allow time for labor to progress naturally
- manage pain with massage, walking, birth ball, shower/tub, varying positions
- please offer any suggestions or alternatives for natural pain relief
NOT PREFERRED
- monitoring via continuous EFM
- induction unless absolutely necessary
- any drugs (pitocin or pain medications)
- IV for fluid intake
- saline lock
- routine blood tests
- any measures to speed labor unless medically necessary

LABOR STAGE 2
IDEAL
- upright delivery, freedom to change position
- avoid tearing - slow and/or controlled pushing, perineal support, warm compresses
- Steven to announce sex of Baby
NOT PREFERRED
- any drugs (pitocin or pain medications)
- episiotomy
- vacuum or forceps
- C-section

POST LABOR
IDEAL
- deliver placenta naturally
- topical numbing cream prior to repairs
- allow cord to go flat & white prior to cutting
- Allison to immediately nurse baby
NOT PREFERRED
- pitocin to deliver placenta
- injected anesthetics prior to repairs

INFANT CARE
IDEAL
- breastfeed exclusively
- delay newborn treatments 2 hours - bath, shots, tests, exams and eye treatment
- all newborn treatments to be done in room
- Baby to remain with Allison and/or Steven
NOT PREFERRED
- bottles
- formula
- Baby taken to nursery for extended periods
- any treatments or procedures done with Allison or Steven present

SPECIAL REQUESTS
- Please consult with us prior to procedures, interventions or medications.
- We request private time to discuss options if non-emergency complications arise.
- If C-Section: Allison awake, 1 hand free, able to touch and handle Baby, nurse immediately

So that's my birth plan. If you disagree with me, please don't leave any nasty comments. However, if you have legitimate questions about what I hope to do, please leave me a comment and I would be happy to talk with you!

Blood Doctors and Computerized Phones

I have gotten to the point where I have to visit my midwife every two weeks, but I don't write about the appointments because they're uneventful. Do you really need a recap every time they weigh me and check my blood pressure? I didn't think so. However, my last appointment was a bit different.

Midwife: Have you seen a hematologist?

Me: Off and on when I was younger, but not since I was 18. But don't worry - I haven't had any problems.

Midwife: Well, we'd avoid getting sued feel better if you saw one just to be sure. We'll even do the referral for you.

Me: Great. envisioning the $50 copay slipping out of my bank account.

OK, I guess I should back up and fill you in on some details. When I was 6 I had to go to the ER. During a routine blood test it was discovered that I have Von Willebrand's Syndrome. Basically my blood doesn't clot as well as it should. However, I have the mildest form of the mildest type so it has NEVER been a problem for me. My hematologist once told me that if they hadn't happened to find it when I was 6, I probably would have never known there was a problem. But since we do know, doctors like to take precautions (meaning, give me a clotting agent) prior to surgery.

Most people wouldn't be bothered by this. They would recognize the risk, get an IV dose during labor and not give it a second thought. I am not most people. My biggest fear was that I would need an IV at the beginning of labor, and since the IV had already been placed the nurses would just leave the port in my hand 'just in case.'

I will probably revisit this when I talk about my birth plan, but I am strongly opposed to an IV port. I don't want it to be easy or convenient for anyone to administer any medication to me. If I need anything, I want the decision to be well-thought out and deliberate. There will be no "You already have the port, so we might as well" for me. On top of that, I. HATE. NEEDLES. The last time I was given an IV I glanced at it and almost passed out.

OK, now that we have delved into yet another of my neuroses, let's get back to the topic at hand: visiting the hematologist.

My midwife was kind enough to refer me to a hematologist and they made an appointment for me. They even have that handy, futuristic appointment machine where a computer calls you and reminds you of your appointment.

NOTE TO DOCTORS EVERYWHERE: If the name of your practice is 'Blah Blah Cancer Center' but the new patient who's never heard of you doesn't have cancer, please say so when you leave a voicemail. I don't like thinking I have cancer when I don't.

Anyhow, (gee this post is rambling) I go see the hematologist and he is delightfully chill about the whole thing. Based on my medical history and the fact that I've never had any bleeding problems he didn't see any need to take any precautionary measures. I would probably need the clotting agent if I ended up needing a C-Section (fingers crossed I don't) but that it seemed like overkill for a regular, push-it-out-the-old-fashioned-way birth. I have to say, getting his blessing was totally worth the $50 if it means my midwife doesn't have to be paranoid.

So no IV for me. Huzzah.

Plastic Babies and Floor Pillows - Part 2

Last night was my second birthing class. I feel it was more informative and less likely to make me giggle like a middle schooler. This was class 1 of 12, so we met with the other couples that would be with us for the next 12 weeks.

In my second class I learned:

- The goal of the Bradley Method is to provide a birth that results in a "healthy baby, healthy mom." That doesn't necessarily mean an all-natural birth, but Bradley feels that all-natural is ideal.

- Some basic relaxation techniques and some pregnancy exercises to help me relieve pain now and to help me cope with labor.

- That I am not the only woman who is so terrified of needles she would prefer the pain of natural childbirth over having a needle jammed into her spine.

- The side effects of an epidural. see below

- Not to wear a skirt to any future classes. Let's just say tailor sitting (the PC term for sitting 'Indian Style') is not very relaxing when you're constantly tugging your skirt over your lady junk to prevent flashing the other moms and dads.

This class was a brief overview of what we would learn in the following 11 weeks. We hit the high notes - a bit of quick info on the big things like breastfeeding, epidurals and what to expect from a hospital vs. a less traditional birth center. I have done quite a bit of reading so very little of this was new to me, but I learned something MAJOR about epidurals. I am guessing the Bradley Method wants to really hammer this point home, so it will probably be mentioned early and often.

NOTE: I debated with myself whether or not I wanted to share with you what I learned about epidurals. Part of me wants to shout it from rooftops and write it on billboards. The other part of me knows that there isn't just one way to birth a baby and that you don't come here to have me lecture you on the way I choose to do things. In the end, I would rather put the info out there and if you don't want to listen to me, you don't have to. I just think women have the right to know what they're doing to their babies and their bodies.

Most of us already know what an epidural is. It is pain medication, administered through the spine, that numbs Mom from the waist down but leaves her mentally clear. This shouldn't be news to anyone reading this blog. Some of us even know that an epidural can leave Mom feeling lethargic for a few hours after delivery. However, what I didn't know - and I'm guessing you might not know either - is that an epidural will effect Baby for two weeks after delivery. TWO. FREAKING. WEEKS. The reason is because Baby has a tiny liver and it takes that long for the liver to process all that medication. Until the meds have been processed out Baby will likely be quiet, groggy and may even need to be woken up for feedings. I don't know about you, but that doesn't really sound like "healthy baby" to me.

Like I said, I am not here to judge what any other mom chooses to do with her pregnancy and delivery. I just feel like that bit of information isn't common knowledge, but should be. That information is probably buried in the fine print of the epidural consent form, but who has time to pore over all those details when they're in the midst of labor. If I have educated even one person, then I feel like I have done a good thing.

Bursting My Bubble

I hadn't written a nice, juicy rant in a while and I had a nice one all planned out for you. Then, I was told I was *gasp* wrong, and my rant went out the window.

The time window for my glucose tolerance test was fast approaching and I was convinced I could get out of it. I had it in my head that it wasn't necessary and I wasn't about to subject myself to a barrage of "routine" tests just to err on the side of caution. Here's how all that played out at today's check-up.

Midwife: So I see the nurse gave you the information you'll need for your glucose test. Do you have any questions?

Me: Yeah, can I just not do it?

Midwife: blank stare Is there a reason?

Me: Umm, I was just hoping to avoid any routine tests that aren't critical. I only want to be tested if I'm actually at risk for something.

Midwife: The glucose test isn't risky. You don't even have to fast first.

Me: Yeah I know, I just don't want to do it. mumble something stupid

Midwife: looks at my chart Hm, well, you're fat so you have to do it.*

Me: Oh, okay then. overly cheerful in a very lame way You can't blame a girl for trying!

So the bad news is I have to have the stupid test. I hear the glucose drink is TERRIBLE but at least it comes in fun flavors like fruit punch, grape and kitty litter (I picked fruit punch, btw).

But the good news is I asked the midwife her thoughts on birth plans and I won't need one. I was undecided on whether or not I wanted to get into that. If I were to write one, it would be so that my birthing team knows I don't want all those new fangled interventions - I want to kick this old school. But I also knew that choosing a midwife over an OB would get me a long way in that direction. My midwife assured me that their philosophy is to go natural as long as mom and baby are safe, but if it would make me feel better I can give the L&D nurses a heads up of what I'm comfortable with. Of course, any birth plan shouldn't be too rigid because that's exactly when they end up going out the window. So, yay for that. I plan to write an informal birth plan, here on the blog, after I finish all my reading and research.

*Not her actual words. Something more like "Based on BMI... pre-pregnancy yours was too high... at risk for diabetes... blah blah blah."

And So It Starts...

Last night I got my first bit of unsolicited advice. I was getting my haircut and chatting with my stylist. She's sweet and I'm sure she means well, but she's 23, single and lives with her parents. She's not exactly who I would call if I needed parenting advice.

Helpful Tip #1
While you're still at the hospital, tell the nurses to start the baby on a 4-hour feeding schedule not a 2-hour schedule. It's just so much easier to get stuff done when you're not constantly feeding the baby.

Oh, really. So newborns don't need to be fed every 2 hours? Nurses just do that because it's fun! I'm pretty sure I'll feed my baby as often as she needs to be fed and listen to the advice of my midwife and/or lactation coach.

Helpful Tip #2
Don't get the baby used to drinking a warm bottle. Always give it a room temperature bottle. It's such a hassle to have to warm the bottle when you're half-asleep. If the baby never drinks warm formula it won't know the difference.

Again, I'm sure there's a good reason for giving a baby a warm bottle. People don't just create extra work for themselves for kicks. Plus, I plan on nursing my baby, you know, the old-fashioned way. I will only feed my baby formula if I can't produce enough milk on my own. I understand there are many reasons women end up using formula, and that is a personal choice. But when did it become assumed that women don't want to nurse? It seems like nursing is the default method and if that's not right for a woman and her baby then they move on to formula.

Prying Question #1
You're having it at a hospital right? [Yes.] Oh, good.

I am planning on delivering at a hospital, but not because that's the only acceptable choice. I looked into a home birth and a birthing center, but I ruled them out for my own reasons.

Home Birth - At first I was intrigued by the warm, almost romantic notion of a home birth. Delivering my baby with only my husband and a midwife, in the comfort of my own home. Putting my baby to sleep in her own bed and recovering in my bed with my husband by my side. Then I snapped out of it and remembered myself. As beautiful a miracle as it may be, childbirth is a messy, messy endeavor. I don't want to spoil the afterglow of delivery with the realization that I have just ruined my couch, carpet and mattress. I would much rather someone else clean up after me.

Birthing Center - I would love to deliver at a birthing center, but that's not an option for me. There are no free-standing birthing centers in my area. The next best thing is a Certified Nurse Midwife, but in my whole county (and in my insurance network) there is only one medical practice that employs midwives. Furthermroe, that one practice (that I ended up using) only delivers at a hospital. Because of the philosophy behind midwifery, a 'birth center experience' is possible but it will still be within the walls of a hospital.

But that is my personal choice. I would never judge someone for doing something else, nor would I assume there's only one 'normal' way of doing things.

I suppose what bothered me the most about this "advice" is that at the root the advice is not about making things better/healthier/happier for my baby. It is about making the baby less of an inconvenience to me. A baby is not an accessory. It is a tiny person and if you go into this thinking it's going to be easy, maybe you shouldn't be going into it. I'm all for taking shortcuts if it doesn't hurt anyone, but when it comes to putting food and nutrients into my baby, that's not something I'm willing to compromise on just yet.

A Quick Rant on the Commercialization of Mommyhood*

I'm just going to put this out there: one of my biggest parenthood fears is being that Mom that has to arm herself with a mountain of stuff just to successfully navigate running some errands with her child.

All this was brought upon by a trip to the grocery store and seeing a Mom with her toddler. Mom was pushing her cart and toddler was sitting in one of those puffy shopping cart covers. You know, one of these:

image via BabiesRUs

The idea of this just irks me in so many ways.

1- I have read studies that indicate raising your child in a germ-free bubble only increases the likelihood that the child will have asthma and/or allergies in the future. Now, I'm no scientist, but it makes sense that if you eradicate every possible germ your child will never build a tolerance to such things.

2- The damn thing seems completely pointless. The purpose of the cover is to keep the baby from touching things like shopping carts and restaurant high chairs. But this is negated by the fact that you, as a parent, touch these things to put the cover on it and then turn around and touch your baby! Unless you walk around Purell-ing yourself each time you touch your baby, you are going to transfer germs to him or her. This takes me back to point #1.

3- In putting the cover on the shopping cart (or in solo shopping expeditions, sans cover) you, the adult parent, touch the shopping cart, the self-checkout screen and countless other surfaces in your daily life, yet you don't get sick. And why is that? BECAUSE YOU WERE ALLOWED TO TOUCH GERMS AS A CHILD! And now you have a functioning immune system. Next time you see your mother, tell her "Thank you for letting me eat dirt when I was a kid."

As much as I stand behind those points, the real basis of this rant came from what I saw in the parking lot. On my way out I saw the same Mom and toddler getting into their car. Mom had lifted the child, removed the cover then sat the child back into the *gasp* unsanitized shopping cart, possibly to put the cover into her car. I'm standing there, screaming inside my head, "What's the friggin' point?"


Of course, I can't step into this woman's shoes and really know why she does anything, but the whole exercise seemed a bit stupid to me. That is all.


*This is only my opinion and I certainly can't speak for moms and moms-to-be everywhere. If you disagree with me and ohmygod, can't live without your shopping cart cover please don't be offended. Ha! Who am I kidding? I just made fun of you, to your face! Try to only be moderately offended.