Et tu, Utere?

Sorry, that was my attempt at a Caesar joke.

Me making Caesar jokes can only mean one thing... I'll be having a scheduled c-section. dun dun DUNNNNN

Even though I was beyond optimistic at 20 weeks, my placenta has decided to set up camp at Mount Cervix. Even though it quickly moved from full previa to a mere 2.25 cm overlap, it has not moved since around 24 weeks. My OB office has been diligently re-checking its position every 2 weeks but the darn thing had no intention of moving. And if it hasn't moved by now it's not going to. And as of this morning, the c-section is officially scheduled. I know people do it all the time, but picking your baby's birthday is surreal.

I'm not gonna lie. When the OB first told me, 4 weeks ago, that all signs were pointing to c-section, I didn't handle the news well. There was lots of ugly crying. My face was so streaked I had to go buy make-up on my way back to work because I looked like hell. At least I made it to the car before I broke down, so that counts for something. Right?

Now that I've had time to process things, I'm feeling mostly OK.

I will still do some grieving over the loss of a natural birth. Delivering my son, and feeling my body accomplish that, was one of the most powerful and satisfying moments of my life. Of course I'm sad I won't get to experience that again with this baby.

In addition, I'm still terrified of needles so the thought of an epidural and abdominal surgery gives me a mild panic attack. But I just keep reminding myself that all sorts of women have c-sections all the time and it's nothing I can't handle.

I've been doing some reading and it seems like scheduled c-sections are a breeze. They seem much less scary than emergency c-sections when the baby's at risk and you have mere minutes to emotionally process having to forfeit a vaginal birth. So there's a silver lining.

Because of the previa my OB doesn't want me to go into labor at any point. Apparently if I did it would be, in his words, a bloody mess. And, no, he's not British so bloody means bloody. Because of this my c-section will be several weeks before my due date. On one hand, yay I can finally meet the baby. On the other hand, OHMYGOD I'M NOT READY.

In the spirit of keeping my sanity, I've been keeping a running list in my head of all the c-section silver linings:
- Knowing exactly when the baby is coming will help me be prepared, both at home and at work.
- Having a firm day-of timeline will make it easier to coordinate the whole who's coming to the hospital when, and who's bringing Luke to meet the baby business. I felt very strongly that Luke should be the first family member to meet the baby, and I'd rather not wake him up in the middle of the night to do so.
- There will be no tearing/swelling of the lady business - I cannot stress enough how excited I am about this part.
- As magical and beautiful as the end result is, labor is long and hard. That's why they call it labor. At least I get to skip that part, and all the cervical exams and cow noises that go with it.
- I get to take pictures of Steven wearing the goofy booties and hairnet required in the OR.
- I am delivering the baby in the way that is the safest for him/her and me. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.