I've Got Junk In My Trunk

... and I'm not just talking about my giant stroller or that case of canned soda that hasn't made its way into the house.

Now, in order to find the humor to my story you must understand that I am NOT racist. I strive to be "color blind" in all aspects of my life. I have several black friends. Yes, I realize that's what White People say when they're about to say something terribly insensitive. How do I even know my friends are black if I'm so color blind? Shut up. That's how.


I have never been the hot girl. In the theater of life I am the sarcastic sidekick to the perky blonde. I am the Janeane Garofolo to your Uma Thurman. Please tell me you get that reference and that I'm not the only person that thinks The Truth About Cats & Dogs was under rated.

I have never been the girl with the slender hips, non-existant thighs and the tight jeans. Well, at least not intentionally tight. Give me a break, I just had a baby. And by "had a baby" I mean "ate a pint of ice cream."

I have an hourglass figure with too much time on the bottom. When I haul ass I have to take two trips. I have a big butt, a broad pelvis and wide hips. However you want to say it, I'm pear shaped. Always have been, always will be.

As a result of being bottom-heavy, I don't often get hit on or cat-called. However, on the rare occasion that I do find myself the subject of a stranger's flattery said stranger is often of a different culture than myself. A culture that enjoys a voluptuous woman.

Several years ago, a man on the sidewalk said "Damn girl, you're built like a sister!" Of course, when I told this story to my friend, she said "Um, it's pronounced sist-AH not sist-ER.* Unless he thought you looked like a nun." Since I had left my wimple at home, I am going to assume he was talking about my figure. This was not the first time that someone has hit on me by complementing me on my hips or butt.
*See, I told you I have black friends.

It used to upset me to get a compliment like that. As well intentioned as a man may have been, all I heard was "You're fat. I like that about you." I don't care how much you enjoy my big butt. I still don't want to have a big butt.

Today someone complimented me on the street - he liked the way I was "shakin' it" - and it made my day. I thought, there's a man that appreciates a woman's shape. I don't know what changed in my mind, but at that moment I saw my body for what it was.

I don't have big hips because the universe wants me to hate shopping for pants. I have big hips so that I can easily bring children into this world, and that makes them beautiful. Yes, part of me will always cringe when it's time to try on bathing suits, but now I have a new respect for a part of my body that I have always hated.

So thank you, random sidewalk man, for helping me see what you see.

1 comment:

  1. you crack me up. i love love love this post. i can so relate. well, not to someone giving me a cat call... but the rest of it ;)