It's Cool, I've Got This

For the first time in my life I feel like I'm actually competent at something. I admit I have talents and skills, but there is always a teensy bit of doubt lurking around them.

It doesn't matter what I'm doing, I usually have a way of second guessing myself.

In design school I always felt like I was average or bad compared to my peers, and some days I thought I wouldn't make it out alive. I graduated but towards the end my goal was survival rather than excellence.

As a wife, I think I'm doing pretty well with the relationship stuff but not so hot on the housekeeping front. I can never stay ahead of the dishes or the clutter and that's only going to get worse as our family grows.

Surprising to me, I actually feel that being a mom comes naturally. I think I have found the comfortable middle ground between the hovering, panicked mom and the too-busy-with-her-own-shit-to-care-about-the-baby mom. I adore my son and would do anything for him, but I don't feel like I've had to throw my identity or marriage down the drain to be a good parent. I have done my fair share of emergency googling, but I try to take the advice with a grain of salt and just do what Steven and I feel is best, for us, in that moment.

HOWEVER. I realize that Luke is just a baby and I haven't had to actually parent him yet. There is no disciplining, no setting of limits, no this is for your own good moments yet. Unless you count the q-tip episode - that was for his own good but he HATED it while it was happening. In fact, I am sure all you experienced moms are rolling your eyes at my naivete. My confidence will probably come crashing down when he refuses to potty train when he throws his first tantrum when he starts teething any day now, but for now it feels good to feel good about things.

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