Monday night was my first birthing class. Steven and I will be learning all about the Bradley Method, which is a 12 week course. Laura, our instructor, only teaches one group at a time and for my group Week 12 falls after my due date. Her solution was for us to attend the Week 12 class with her previous group, and then start over again with Week 1. Week 12 is all about breastfeeding, diapering and newborn care, and can easily be taken out of order.
In my first class, I learned:
-The different colors and textures of poop my baby will produce in the first few weeks, and what they mean.
-How to hold my baby like a football.
-That I have the maturity of a 12 year old boy.
Laura kicked off the breastfeeding segment with a video about, you guessed it, breastfeeding. Everything was going well until the video instructor wanted to teach us about getting an uninterested baby to latch. The camera zoomed in on the breast of the demonstration mom. Once we all got a screen full of an engorged, nursing nipple the demo mom pulled her baby to her breast, putting his mouth near, but not on, her nipple. Then the instructor grabbed her breast and started rubbing demo mom's nipple all around the baby's mouth trying to get its attention.
At this point, it took all the composure I had not to burst into laughter. No, I don't think breastfeeding is funny - it is a natural and beautiful thing - but seeing a woman rub another woman's breast on a baby's face just struck me as hilarious. I looked around the room and everyone else was completely cool with this. About this time the baby latched on and the camera found something else to focus on, so the urge to snicker subsided.
If this level of stellar maturity sustains itself, I will likely have many more birthing class stories to tell. I can't wait.