The Cleveland Browns Have Cheerleaders, Right?

The family took a trip to Maryland last weekend. I don't know if it was the stress of travel or something he ate, but he hadn't pooped since Saturday afternoon. As our Monday afternoon flight grew nearer, all I could think was "Don't poop on the plane. Don't poop on the plane." Seriously, have you seen how tiny an airplane bathroom is?

He didn't poop on the plane - whew! - but by the time we got home it was clear he was constipated. At first it was funny, what with his little grunts and his poop-face, but as we got closer and closer to bedtime I got worried.

Finally, he started making poop-face right before bed and I thought "At last, this is it!" I gave him a few minutes, then excitedly rushed to change his diaper (first and last time THAT will happen). After all that work, there was one tiny little turd, laying there and mocking me. "Damn you, poop gods!" I shouted, shaking my tiny fist at the sky.

Tuesday morning, same story. Lots of straining on Luke's part with no poop to show for it. By now he was so backed up he was crying. Frantically, I googled.

Feed your baby 'p' foods; prunes, peas, pears, etc. Already did that.
Give your baby some water to drink. Yep, did that too.
Give your baby some Karo syrup. Didn't have any.
Stimulate the area by inserting a rectal thermometer. REALLY didn't want to do that.

Despite the fact that the all-knowing Internet told me not to do anything drastic without first discussing it with a pediatrician, I had no choice. Luke was in pain, and if the only way to help was to violate our thermometer, so be it.

Steven opened Luke's diaper while I looked around for our thermometer and Vaseline. Then, as if his butt knew what was about to happen, the spirits moved him.

He suddenly started pooping - hooray! - but DEAR GOD YOU CAN'T UN-SEE THAT. There was lots of cheering on our part, but also, WHY CAN'T I STOP PICTURING IT??

So, long story short, I have now become a cheerleader for poop.

P.S. - Luckily, the old diaper was still laying there because the changing pad was 3 seconds away from its worst day ever.

No comments:

Post a Comment