I have started having dreams about labor and delivery. In each dream I find that I have passed out during labor - not sure if I'm being drugged or not - and I wake up after the baby has been delivered. I am never grateful for this, I always feel like I have been robbed of the experience.
Last night, the dream was worse. When I awoke from my labor I was told I had been given a C-Section. No one would tell me why it was necessary, they just kept repeating "you've had a C-Section." I later find out I had been unconscious for days and that Steven and the baby had already gone home without me. I finally got home to see them and my child looked like a toddler, and didn't know me at all!
I'm trying not to be a control freak (i.e. my usual self) because I know I can't choreograph my own delivery. I have a wish list, of sorts, and methods I would like to try but for the most part I will go with the flow. My subconscious, however, is terrified that I will be unable to have a satisfying birth experience. Maybe I'm not as relaxed as I thought?