Walking the Line Between Dreams and Nightmares

I have started having dreams about labor and delivery. In each dream I find that I have passed out during labor - not sure if I'm being drugged or not - and I wake up after the baby has been delivered. I am never grateful for this, I always feel like I have been robbed of the experience.

Last night, the dream was worse. When I awoke from my labor I was told I had been given a C-Section. No one would tell me why it was necessary, they just kept repeating "you've had a C-Section." I later find out I had been unconscious for days and that Steven and the baby had already gone home without me. I finally got home to see them and my child looked like a toddler, and didn't know me at all!

I'm trying not to be a control freak (i.e. my usual self) because I know I can't choreograph my own delivery. I have a wish list, of sorts, and methods I would like to try but for the most part I will go with the flow. My subconscious, however, is terrified that I will be unable to have a satisfying birth experience. Maybe I'm not as relaxed as I thought?

1 comment:

  1. Allison, Those pregnancy dreams can be sooooo crazy. When I was pregnant with Luke, I had a dream that I delivered three of those small plastic babies seen on baby shower cakes. The delivery was easy, but I was mad I didn't have real babies. They are just crazy dreams. You will have a great birthing process. I can tell you, I went in hoping to have an au natural labor and delivery and I did for about 20 hours. When nothing happened (AKA not dialating), I took the epidural. When nothing happened (AKA only dialating to 5 cm after 26 hours), I had a c-section. I wasn't wanting that at all, but it was still a great delivery process because I got my little guy. I think you have the right attitude, knowing what you want, but being willing to go with the flow. It's important to let our doctor, doula, and/or midwife know what you would like, but when it comes to it, the end result is the same, a healthy, beautiful baby. :) I know it will all go well for you! :)