Learning To See Myself
Case in point: Last Friday Steven and I went to a movie and, naturally, I snuck in some chocolate. Back at home I took off my coat and:
STEVEN: What's that on your shirt?
ME: looking down Nothing.
STEVEN: No, there, on the bottom. It looks like melted chocolate.
ME: Where? pulling my shirt out so I can see it Oh, there.
STEVEN: Ha! It was under your belly!
So there you have it. My belly now has an underside. After every meal (and frequent snack) I have to check my entire shirt to make sure there's no food stains lurking under my ledge o' belly. Could I get any more disgusting?
Bump Photo - Week 21
The Longest Wait Ever
3:48 - I arrive a few minutes early, check-in with receptionist and take a seat in the waiting room. I very much would like to use the bathroom, but I can't because I have to save it for my urine sample.
4:05 - The nurse calls me back, drops me off at the restroom to produce my sample then weighs me. She puts me in a room, checks my blood pressure and leaves me alone with the door open.
4:10 - I get bored and begin flipping through Better Homes and Gardens. It should be noted that I don't give a damn about overly styled homes or gardens, but I refuse to read parenting magazines. I don't feel like being pressured to buy 8 different versions of a Fisher Price baby seat. I also don't want to feel like I am raising an idiot if my child isn't fluent in French by age 3.
4:50 - I have now read the entirety of Better Homes and Gardens. I now know: a table can be used for more than a table (a craft station? a nightstand? how shocking!); 'quick and easy' weeknight meals still look incredibly complicated; and that architecture can really affect the feel of your room - really? I never would have guessed that.
I feel like I have been here for a while, so I grab my phone for a time check. Indeed, I have been here for an hour. I had been growing more agitated, intentionally flipping my magazine pages RATHER LOUDLY so that anyone in the hallway can hear my frustration. Passive aggressive? Yes, my mother taught me well. Adding to my irritation I can hear some ladies chatting in the hall and having quite a good time. If you have time to chat you have time to tell me my midwife is running behind schedule.
4:53 - My midwife flies in, looking quite flustered, tiredly muttering an apology for my wait while simultaneously reading my chart, getting gloved up and putting her armful of stuff on the table. She explains she was called in to deliver a baby this morning, and how can I be mad at her? That's pretty much her job. I can only hope that when I am the one hee-hee-hoo-hoo-ing my way through a contraction my midwife won't turn and say "You're doing great, but I have to run back to the office for just a bit." I completely understand that the ladies in labor are the top priority.
4:56 - My midwife is out the door. The following was accomplished in my visit:
- Any nausea, vomiting or bloating? No, no and no.
- Are your ankles swollen? No.
- Let's listen to the heartbeat. It's fine.
- Any questions? Yes, I'll be flying to San Diego for a wedding next week. Anything I should know before I go? Drink lots of fluids and get up to stretch every two hours. I already knew that.
At least I have learned to schedule my appointments at the end of the day. It's awful when you're sitting around, learning how to make origami place cards or whatever, when you know you have to rush back to the office.
Bump Photo - Week 20

As you will see in my posts I have switched, almost entirely, to actual maternity pants. The belly bands were working well for a while but now I am more comfortable in my big-girl jeans. For me, the belly band has gotten to the point where it's either riding up in the back - crack attack! - or riding up in the front, exposing my fly in its unzipped glory. Don't get me wrong - those little miracles got me through the early days of 'too big for my pants but still too small for maternity pants' and I for sure will break them out again post-delivery to transition back to my pre-pregnancy state.
Sweater: thrifted, maternity
Beads: Target
Jeans: Old Navy Maternity

I also thought I would include this close up. Steven keeps taking zoomed in shots of my belly even though I tell him not to. Maybe he is overly proud of the visible fruits of his manly fertilizin' or maybe he just finds it funny. I'll never know.
Older Photos
Week 18Sweet Dreams Are Made of Tums



Clearly I have issues. However, if you happen to know - or are willing to stalk - someone at the Tums Corporate Office, tell them to call me.
*See, it has the European spelling, so it must be good.
**Sweet Tarts as an ice cream topping! I think I'm on to something.
Story Time

It's All Downhill From Here
So far I haven't had any pain associated with pregnancy, just some mild discomfort as my ute' muscles stretch. Also, I find it pretty darn hard to get comfortable anywhere other than my bed.
All that changed last night. As I was sleeping, I was having a dream that I was peeing (but didn't actually pee in the bed, thank goodness!) and as part of the dream it seemed that there was something in my 'stream' - some sort of rope or string. I quickly realized that this rope had one end dangling out of my lady bits but the other end was anchored to the inside of my bladder. As my stream gushed forth in all its pregnant glory, the rope began to pull and hurt me.
Next I suddenly awoke, only to still be experiencing the same pain. Apparently one of my many pillows had wriggled away from me in my sleep and was no longer supporting my hips and belly as it was supposed to.
Nothing major in the pain department, but it was the first time I felt as though my belly could move independently of me. I try to keep the complaining to a minimum because I know this will be nothing compared to the 'miracle' of birth.
I guess the point to this post is this: I finally understand why I see women in their third trimester walk with their hands under their belly as if their hands are the only thing supporting it. I'm sure, in a few months time, I will be convinced that my baby's head will be down around my knees if I don't hold my belly up myself.
Cast Your Vote

Now to add to the fun, here are the 'results' of some oft-cited Old Wives tales.
Carrying high or low? high Old Wives say... girl.
Craving sweet or sour? sour Old Wives say... boy.
Loads of acne? sadly, yes Old Wives say... girl.
Hubby gaining weight? nope Old Wives say... boy.
Pendant on a string? circle Old Wives say... girl.
Good hair, bad hair? good Old Wives say... boy.
Nose spreading? nope Old Wives say... girl.
Fetal heartrate? 135 Old Wives say... boy.
Craving fruit or meat? fruit Old Wives say... girl.
Chinese gender chart? Old Wives say... boy.
So, the Old Wives are split 50/50 on this one.
Old fashioned mother's intuition? Mama says... girl.
What do you think?
Bump Photo - Week 19

This photo marks a milestone because my bump is now distinguishable with my shirt still on. This makes me happy because, 1) it's cold! and 2) I don't know some of you that well, so I prefer to keep my nekkid-ness under wraps.
Shirt: Old Navy Maternity
Cardigan: Old Navy
Jeans: Ann Taylor Loft
Older Photos
Week 18
Week 17
And So It Starts...
Helpful Tip #1
While you're still at the hospital, tell the nurses to start the baby on a 4-hour feeding schedule not a 2-hour schedule. It's just so much easier to get stuff done when you're not constantly feeding the baby.
Oh, really. So newborns don't need to be fed every 2 hours? Nurses just do that because it's fun! I'm pretty sure I'll feed my baby as often as she needs to be fed and listen to the advice of my midwife and/or lactation coach.
Helpful Tip #2
Don't get the baby used to drinking a warm bottle. Always give it a room temperature bottle. It's such a hassle to have to warm the bottle when you're half-asleep. If the baby never drinks warm formula it won't know the difference.
Again, I'm sure there's a good reason for giving a baby a warm bottle. People don't just create extra work for themselves for kicks. Plus, I plan on nursing my baby, you know, the old-fashioned way. I will only feed my baby formula if I can't produce enough milk on my own. I understand there are many reasons women end up using formula, and that is a personal choice. But when did it become assumed that women don't want to nurse? It seems like nursing is the default method and if that's not right for a woman and her baby then they move on to formula.
Prying Question #1
You're having it at a hospital right? [Yes.] Oh, good.
I am planning on delivering at a hospital, but not because that's the only acceptable choice. I looked into a home birth and a birthing center, but I ruled them out for my own reasons.
Home Birth - At first I was intrigued by the warm, almost romantic notion of a home birth. Delivering my baby with only my husband and a midwife, in the comfort of my own home. Putting my baby to sleep in her own bed and recovering in my bed with my husband by my side. Then I snapped out of it and remembered myself. As beautiful a miracle as it may be, childbirth is a messy, messy endeavor. I don't want to spoil the afterglow of delivery with the realization that I have just ruined my couch, carpet and mattress. I would much rather someone else clean up after me.
Birthing Center - I would love to deliver at a birthing center, but that's not an option for me. There are no free-standing birthing centers in my area. The next best thing is a Certified Nurse Midwife, but in my whole county (and in my insurance network) there is only one medical practice that employs midwives. Furthermroe, that one practice (that I ended up using) only delivers at a hospital. Because of the philosophy behind midwifery, a 'birth center experience' is possible but it will still be within the walls of a hospital.
But that is my personal choice. I would never judge someone for doing something else, nor would I assume there's only one 'normal' way of doing things.
I suppose what bothered me the most about this "advice" is that at the root the advice is not about making things better/healthier/happier for my baby. It is about making the baby less of an inconvenience to me. A baby is not an accessory. It is a tiny person and if you go into this thinking it's going to be easy, maybe you shouldn't be going into it. I'm all for taking shortcuts if it doesn't hurt anyone, but when it comes to putting food and nutrients into my baby, that's not something I'm willing to compromise on just yet.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers
Here's the secret thing men don't joke about: women are just as baffled by the body snatching as they are. Things are radically different and sometimes we have no idea why.
As I progress in my pregnancy, I am realizing that my body is no longer my own. I am merely the landlord of a short-term lease and I am at the whim of my tenant.
This morning I got out of bed at the usual time. Peed. Ate breakfast. Peed. Laid out my outfit for the day. As I was about to step into the shower I suddenly felt faint and sat back down on the bed. Then, like a ton of bricks, I was hit with a wave of exhaustion. So tired I almost cried at the thought of getting dressed and going to work. I tried reading a bit but that only made it worse. I had no choice but to take an hour-long nap, a mere hour after waking up. It didn't matter that I have a job and that I have shit to do at said job. My body wanted sleep and it wanted it NOW.
After my nap, I felt fine. I got up, peed, showered, dressed, peed and went to work like nothing was wrong, only I was an hour and a half late. Luckily my boss is cool and I can more or less set my own hours.
Of course, this is only a preview to being at the whim of a screaming, pooping baby so I better get used to it.
Such A Good Day
Last night I had my first 'bump encounter.' I was at a meeting, talking to a friend when I removed my heavy coat. As soon as she saw my little bump she said "Aww" and reached out to touch it. Almost as quickly as she reached, she pulled her hand away and her expression said 'Ooh, that might be creepy. I won't just grope her.' Of course, since she's a friend I wouldn't have been offended and would have even been flattered that she wanted to cop a feel. But I know where she was coming from and I give her props for the restraint.
This morning after eating
This afternoon I had my third ultrasound, this time a Level 2, and I got to watch my little wiggler on the screen for almost an hour! I brought my Mom with me and she just loved watching her little grandbaby squirming around. The ultrasound technician said that this baby was quite a gymnast and was a wee bit uncooperative. The peanut started out standing on her head then finally rolled around mid-way through my exam. A Level 2 ultrasound is very technical - looking at kidneys, the heart, the brain, etc. We saw perfect little fingers and toes and even caught a glimpse of the peanut waving at us!

The tech gave us a print out of the latest glamour shot, and isn't that just the cutest little blurry face you've ever seen? Seriously I could babble about this ALL DAY. I was doing great until the tech asked me to turn my head away so she could check the baby's sex organs. She knew I didn't want to know the gender, she just wanted to make sure the baby's junk was A.OK.
But here's my secret: deep down, I really, REALLY want to know if this baby's a boy or a girl. It's Steven that is really gunning for the surprise. I was so tempted to find out, but I knew he would be disappointed in me for caving in. My problem is if someone else knows something, I want to know it too. The tech made it very clear that if I wanted to know the sex they could tell me. AACK! So I left without finding out, but just knowing someone else already knows is K.I.L.L.I.N.G M.E.
We've invited some of Steven's work friends to come over for the Superbowl and I am very excited to have people over to the house. Most people are bringing their young kids, so I will get some 'practice' time this weekend!
Bump Photo - Week 18
What The F%@& Is That?
I easily pull it out, and it is so short and blond I doubt anyone else has noticed it, but HOLY CRAP!
I had been told that hair growth would ramp up in the second trimester. I fully expected to grow thicker, darker hair in places that already grew hair - legs, eyebrows, etc. I was not prepared to start growing hair in formerly bald parts of my body. I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS!
me

